GRIEF DURING THE HOLIDAYS
As we near the holiday season, Christmas displays are going up, travel plans are being made and holiday shopping and meals are being planned. Whether you are gathering with friends, family, neighbors or all of the above, joyful anticipation is in the air.
While many are getting into the holiday mood, some are experiencing another reality – grief. Grief can be defined as a feeling of deep sadness, sorrow or loss. Grief feels like a heaviness in one’s soul or a cold dark night that doesn’t end. Most associate grief with the death of a loved one, but this is not the only source. Grief can result from loss of a pet, home, community, friendship or self.
Dealing With Grief During the Holidays
While I am not a mental health expert, I know from experience the holiday season can intensify feelings of loss, sadness and sorrow. The first Thanksgiving and Christmas without my parents were hard. Even though each of them died several months before the holidays, the twinkling lights were not as bright once Christmas rolled around. Something as simple as not being able to call them to talk about what was for dinner hit me harder than I thought possible.
Here’s is how I made it through the holidays while dealing with grief:
Admitting I was grieving. I’m usually the one who keeps pushing through. The one who helps others while smiling through my own pain. To get through the holidays, I needed to admit that I was grieving.
Naming my grief. I believe naming our grief is an important part of the healing process. Knowing what you are dealing with or at least where it is coming from, can help when you ask for help.
Asking for help. Once I acknowledged and named my grief, I started to research how to deal with the grief. Then, I asked for help - talked with friends who were mental health professionals to get guidance and just have a shoulder to cry on.
Helping Someone Experiencing Grief
You might not be the one experiencing grief, but you might know someone who is. It can be hard to know what to do or say to someone coping with grief. We are often afraid of saying the wrong thing. So, how can we help? Here are five things that come to mind:
Say something. Send a text message or a card, you can even call. Let the person know you are thinking about them. Don’t know what to say? Just a simple “Thinking of you. Please let me know if you need anything.”
Meet a practical need. Drop off a meal, offer to run an errand, pay one of their bills or take their dog for a walk. Taking something small off a person’s plate while they are grieving can give them a little extra space to breathe.
Not every conversation has to be about grief. I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with a serious illness. Sometimes she wants to talk about how she is feeling, the side effects of treatment and the fear of the unknown. But, sometimes – okay, most of the time – we talk about movies and grandkids. I allow her to choose whether she wants to talk about her illness or not.
Show up. When possible, be physically present. Do something fun together or just sit with the person to keep them company. Sometimes people just want company – whether it’s a dinner date to their favorite restaurant, sitting and watching trashy tv to take their mind off of things or even just being there.
Offer to connect them with help. While family and friends are a good resource, a therapist can be the shoulder to lean on you never knew you needed. Offer to help them find a therapist or, if they are skittish about therapy, offer to go to the first session with them as support.
It is my wish that none of you are dealing with grief this holiday season. However, if you or a family member is dealing with grief, I hope this blog post helps you. To learn more about grief and coping with it, visit MentalHelp.net.
